I’ve taken the root beer float hostage & there will be no negotiating unless you got a pint of chunky monkey because who can resist not this root beer float that’s for sure so get going mister good humor man

please be assured our associates make safety our #1 priority except during acts of God but God acts in mysterious ways & who can say it’s not our shareholders’ invisible hands pulling strings but please do partake in these free samples which are individually […]

I’m just saying I dumped your laundry on the bed it was so soft & warm & the cat was so happy but now it’s cold & wrinkly & hairy & that happens when you leave your shirts & undies for three whole days

mist refracts moonlight on cold night drive & oh shit oh shit oh damn dead deer

new app so shiny electrons dancing old ether refreshes

I’d take a bullet for you but only out of the box which is to say we need to visit walmart again because we’re out of green peas & pasta which I know you can’t stand but still

stiff back morning downward dog yowls, another nerve snarls