2022-12-05

self-flagellation

I tell
myself
don’t over-
think it
just go
with the
flow &
don’t
dissect
every
damn
thing
but
the mind
is a
torturous
thing
& it’s
like that
meme
you know
the one
that you
chuckle
at because
you relate
especially
at 3 a.m.
when you
have to
get up
at 6:30
but no
my mind
would
rather
do neuro-
surgery
on every
sentence
that bubbled
out just
for shits
& giggles
& isn’t
that enough
punishment
to justify
existence?

2022-12-03

fishing advice

the trick
to fishing
midwest
finesse
is to
tug the
ned rig
gently
on every
crank
of the
reel &
tempt
the bass
with a
nedlock
jig &
junebug
zinker
or green
pumpkin
goby
grub
with a
light lift
& drop of
your line
just so
& get
that swim
glide shake
feel going
with the
right fall
rate &
whama-
bama-lam
the fish
hit & hit
& hit &
that’s a
good day

2022-12-02

like a bell through the night

the moon is
a fat ass
hanging out
the window
of a ’76
chevy monza
hatchback
fleetwood mac
blaring on
the 8-track
over my head
& ready &
raring for
rhiannon
& my mother
yanking me
back to
my seat
yelling
whatcha
think you
doing fool
& the girls
on their
banana seats
staring at
my pimply
cheeks &
that’s why
I never
had any
dates in
middle school
but I’m not
complaining
because fresh
air is good
for the soul

2022-12-01

Hands up. You know the drill. Everybody ready? Ready? I mean _really_ ready? Good. Wait. You. In the back. Yes, you, with the red beanie. You! No, not you, the other red beanie. Oh, I’m sorry–of course it’s _maroon_. I don’t recognize you. Is your name on the list? What’s your name? Stan? Let me check. Okay, Stan, you’re not on the list. What? You didn’t register? What? Screw my WHAT? Okay, that’s it folks, I’m done. I’m out of here. Thank Stan. What? Uh? Oh, I’m the jerk?

2022-11-30

european travel tips

in France pants
are optional
unless
they aren’t

Norway means
“not that way”
which you
will hear
a lot if
you are
American

don’t confuse
Belgian with
Flemish
especially
in regards
to chocolate

if you are stuck
in an airport
in Germany
do not under
any circumstances
talk about
Fight Club
I mean seriously
do you
have a
death wish?

in Iceland
it’s considered
impolite
to remove
your hat
before your
host but
only during
Yule &
if the log
isn’t lit

never rub a cat
the wrong way
in Italy; it caused
wars in
the 1500s
that Florentines
still argue about

there’s a secret
to travelling
in Spain: don’t–
instead wander
aimlessly about
& eventually
someone will
ask if you
would like
something to
eat; say yes

finally, do not
under any
circumstance
dance with the
spouse of a
Irish mayor
under a full
moon in
autumn;
just trust me
on this one