my father once
said the way
to a woman’s
heart is through
the sternum but
don’t get distracted
on the way &
I still don’t know
what he meant
but I’ve had a
hell of a time
trying to find out
by trial & error
& by hook & by
crook & by gum
& tarnation &
thirty years on
my wife won’t
even give me
a fucking clue
so I guess
that old bastard
was right because
I hear her heart
thrumming deep
into night, a ship
churning forward
on perilous seas


the zoo poems

the monkey in the petting zoo
is more depressed than me or you;
that’s why he screams & throws his poo—
don’t we all wish we could, too?


the otters in their enclosed pen
fuck once, then twice, then once again
and that is why, my wide-eyed friend,
you only bring kids after ten


the llama’s drunk, it’s sad to say
so maybe we should go away
or check out the alpaca’s pad—
nope, never mind, he’s spitting mad.


the venomous platypus
does not believe it’s poisionous
to be obsessed with candy crush
and if you see it on the bus
next to the blue-ringed octopus
won’t you please say “Hi!” for us?
—the hippopotamus


the polar bear wears underwear
with stains the shape of delaware
& if you see it please don’t stare
or he’ll kill you—he’s a fucking bear.